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Will you put "spy" software on your teen's computer?

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#1 Hollyter



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Posted 24 May 2012 - 12:31 AM

My wife and I separated about two years ago, and her and my daughter live about 5 miles away from me. I get to see my daughter often, and though I take on a parental role, I have a "friend" relationship with my daughter, also (she's going to be 12 in August). The way I see it, this is a rough world, and each human only gets about 80 years on this planet if they're lucky, then it's ALL OVER.

I will always "be there" for my daughter, as her "friend" and her "father" ... and I refuse to apologize for it. My daughter often notices that my wife will try to "hide" certain truths from her (her smoking after she's claimed to have quit, her gambling addiction, etc) but my daughter TRUSTS ME to tell her the truth about most things (some things, like her mother's repeated infidelity that eventually helped lead to our permanent separation ... is not in her best interest to know).

ANYWAY ... we've decided to get my daughter a computer for her 12th birthday in August. I will most likely "build it" myself. My wife wants me put some "spy software" in the computer so we (she) can "snoop" and see what my daughter is up to on her computer.

I'm not entirely "comfortable" with that.

I don't want to break my daughter's trust ... and of course I want to keep her safe ... she is the most important person in the world to me. I have talked with her about predators (internet and non-internet) and made it clear to her that Facebook is for "chumps" and she seems to agree.

Am I being unreasonable to question whether this "spy" software is a good idea? I say "no, it's not a good idea" because my daughter has done NOTHING to even warrant suspicion. I suspect my wife likes the idea because SHE was always trying to be "sneaky" on the internet when she was cheating on me, and I caught her EVERY TIME, eventually.

By the way, I need to install anti-virus program for my daughter. What is the best security program?
The vendor recommended me install the Anvi Smart Defender to protect the system. Is anvi Smart Defender really Good? I check the the homepage anvisoft.com, It seems that the website do not have long history. I have no idea whether should I trust it.

Thank in advacne all for your awesome answers.

#2 The Dark Knight

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Posted 24 May 2012 - 01:47 AM

Hello Hollyter. :)

I think you have made the right decision regarding software on your daughter's laptop. Myself, I do not condone monitoring someone else's computer for any reason. :thumbup:

With regards to antivirus software, I am not familiar with Anvi Smart Defender. I usually recommend one of the following as they offer free versions and very good security:

Microsoft Security Essentials.

Antimalware programs are also essential to further boost your computer security:

MalwareBytes' Anti-Malware Is a very good scanner that you can use when needed or pay to have it provide resident protection.


A tutorial on using SpywareBlaster to prevent malware from ever installing on your computer may be found here.

Please let us know if you have any further questions. :thumbup:

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#3 Hollyter



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Posted 24 May 2012 - 03:56 AM

Thanks a lot for your suggestion.
I will not monitor her computer.
I decide to respect her privacy.

For anti-virus program. I will install Microsoft Security Essentials and anvi smart defender.

#4 Budfred


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Posted 24 May 2012 - 05:26 AM

My primary experience with Anvi is people SPAMming it... When a program involves aggressive SPAMming, it immediately becomes suspect in my mind... I don't know who your vendor is who suggested it, but the fact that it was recommended would make that person suspect in my mind... MS Security Essentials has an antivirus, so you do not necessarily need another program anyway...

If your daughter is spied on, the only way any information acquired would be used would involve needing to let her know that you are spying on her and the emotional damage associated with that is likely to be considerable... If there are concerns about how she uses the computer, it is a matter of putting it where parents can easily monitor in a responsible way, not treating her like a criminal...

If she is now 12, it is unreasonable to think that she won't present more challenges as she gets older... She may now accept that Facebook is for "chumps," but she will be under a lot of pressure to use it since so many of her friends will use it as a primary social network connection... I suggest focusing on teaching her how to use it responsibly rather than pushing her to avoid it... That means you probably need to use it yourself and get familiar with the security options that it has available as well as the dangers...

Helpful link: SpywareBlaster...

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#5 Hollyter



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Posted 24 May 2012 - 08:39 PM

Good point. Soon or later, she need to involve in social network.
Maybe I just need let her go and guide her appropriately.

#6 AfraS



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Posted 09 January 2013 - 08:02 PM

Even if you don't spy your kid's computer, I still recommend this SPAM site to you. You can learn a lot about monitoring children.
EDIT: To delete SPAM link - the link is to a commercial keylogger and any further posting along that line will result in being banned from this forum... By the way, you are already known as a SPAMmer Adela

Edited by Budfred, 09 January 2013 - 08:10 PM.

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